


Suffocating near you, drowning without you

by snipermathlove29



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:54:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5056417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snipermathlove29/pseuds/snipermathlove29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian has now settled down with Charlie. He is on Dons team and they own a beautiful house in the woods outside of L.A. Charlie has always worried that Ian would come to regret that decision, regret him. Ian's words spoken in a heated rage doesn't help Charlie's insecurities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suffocating near you, drowning without you

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing popped in my head tonight and I had to write it! Kudos and comments are always welcome! I hope you enjoy it!

Charlie stood in the middle of their beautiful kitchen stock still, afraid to breath for fear that the emotions he was feeling would come flooding out and he would be unable to stop them. He heard the basement door slam shut behind Ian. That was his haven. Where he cleaned his guns and held all of his gear. And where he went when he just needed to be alone. 

Charlie understood that. He had been the one to say when they had bought the house that Ian needed somewhere to go that was just for him. He had his basement, Charlie had his office upstairs. Tonight was suppose to be a fantastic night. It was the one year anniversary of when Ian had come to town with the announcement that he was there to stay. He had had a whole dinner planned with a fun dessert they would both enjoy in their bedroom. The only thing he had forgotten was the milk for the batter for the chicken. 

Had he known how Ian would have reacted when he got home he would have driven into town and gotten it himself. 

He could feel the tears and the hurt burning in his chest and he knew he had to get out for awhile. And fast. 

Knowing he was in no condition to drive he quickly slid his boots on and ran outside, carefully closing the door behind him. He didn't think Ian would come to stop him leaving but he didn't want to risk it. He just needed to be by himself for awhile. 

Running to the gate he slung it open, not worrying about leaving it open and ran. He ran down the trail Ian had made himself for Charlie and him to walk. He ran when the trail had stopped and he kept running until he couldn't run anymore. 

Out of breath he slowed to a stop against a big tree. Placing his hands on his knees he bent forward and took several deep breaths, calming his heart rate. 

After a few minutes he sat down, looking around him as he went. He had know idea where he was. Not seeing anything even remotely familiar. Him and Ian had walked all over these woods in the past year. He must have run farther than he thought. And he was cold. His breath coming in clouds around him. 

"Great. World class genius and I can't remember my jacket." He closes his eyes, and automatically hears Ian's voice, loud and angry. 

'I miss not having to worry about being somewhere at a certain time! I miss not having anyone to answer too! I MISS not having any responsibilities except bringing in the next purp I was sent to find! I didn't want to stay anywhere! But I knew it was what you wanted me to do! Now I wear a suit all day, mow the lawn and pick up fucking milk on the way home!! I love you Charlie, but I am suffocating here!!'

Charlie opened his eyes, his cheeks colder from the tears streaming down his face. He had always worried that Ian would come to regret his choice to stay with him. He had thought it was the snipers choice. Had he made him? Did he push to hard? 

He was tired, his body crashing from running and crying. He closed his eyes again and leaned heavily against the tree. He would rest for just a bit, then find his way home. Just for a bit...

*NUMB3RS*

Ian sat at his stool, wiping down his last rifle and placing it in the safe. Closing the door and setting the lock he made his way up the stairs. He had been irrationally angry at Charlie. It was not his fault that Ian was starting to miss the open road. He did not regret his decision to be with him. But sometimes the itch just got bad. 

He had hurt Charlie. He had done the very thing that he swore to himself and to Don that he would never do. God he was such a bastard. 

Opening the door he looked around. "Charlie?" he called, glancing in the kitchen first. The milk that he threw off the counter lay on the floor, busted. "Damn it." He would clean it up later. Taking care of Charlie was more important than cleaning up spilled milk. He made his way to the bedroom, then to his office and when both turned up empty he checked the bathroom. Nothing. 

"Charlie?" he yelled louder. He made his way to the front door, throwing it open and stepping outside, instantly assaulted by cold. Charlie's car was still here. His heart was near pounding when he walked around the back to the porch. No Charlie sitting in any of the chairs. He glanced to the right and saw the gate, that they always had shut, wide open. He walked to it and glanced down. Heavy footprints in the dirt. Charlie was in the woods. 

Ian ran inside and put his boots on. He looked at the clock, wondering how long until sun down. 7:28. He had been in the basement for over 2 hours. "Ian you stupid son of a bitch!" Had Charlie been out there that long? 

Walking to the back door he reached for his jacket, stopping cold when he saw two hanging up. Charlie was outside in the cold without a jacket. Charlie had been outside in the cold, without a jacket, for over two hours because of Ian. Because he had driven him away. Made him think that he didn't want to be here with him. 

Ian quickly put his jacket on, grabbed Charlie's jacket and a bottle of water and ran outside, past the gate and down the trail. The foot prints continued up the trail for several yards. 

He kept a steady pace. Not wanting to use the extra energy he would need when he found Charlie. God he had fucked up royally. 

When he came to the trails end he saw that the footprints continued past the trail, into the deeper woods. "Oh baby, where did you go." he spoke to no one. 

He started into the woods, keeping his eyes and ears open for any signs of his boyfriend. As he was walking he heard heavy breathing coming from his left. He moved slowly, his heart nearly stopping when he saw Charlie crouched against a tree, His arms wrapped around himself and his lips turning slightly blow. As he walked closer he could see the frozen tear tracks down Charlie's face and his heart broke. 

He knelt down in front of him. "Charlie?" he said softly, not wanting to startle him. Charlie opened his eyes slowly, blinked several times. "Charlie, baby. Come on. Lets get you home." He grabbed Charlie around the elbows and help raise him to his feet, taking care to go slow as he was sure his muscles were sore. He helped Charlie into his jacket and rubbed his arms to help bring in some warmth. "I have some water. Do you think you could drink some?" He asked. Charlie nodded and Ian removed the top and brought it to his lips. Charlie took a few sips then shook his head, clearly not being able to drink anymore. 

Ian put the water away then brought his arm around Charlie. "Lets get you out of here." He said. Charlie didn't say a word as they made their way out of the woods. 

It didn't take them long to make it back. Apparently he hadn't run as far off the trail as he thought he had. Ian help him into the house and took him to their room. 

He sat Charlie down on the bed, Unsure what to do for him, unsure if him helping would be welcome. "Do you want to take a shower? We need to get you warmed up" 

Charlie nodded slowly, still not saying a word to Ian. Ian turned and walked into their bathroom, trying not to let the panic he was feeling take place. He started the water and brought it to a temperature that would not burn him but would still warm him up. Walking out again he saw Charlie in the same position he was in earlier. He knelt down in front of him. "Would you like some soup? Something to drink? Talk to me baby. Tell me what you need." . 

Charlie was quiet for so long Ian wasn't sure he was going to answer. As he was getting up to let Charlie shower he heard Charlie's soft words. "Don. I need Don." 

Ian Closed his eyes and felt pressure in his chest. Don. In the past few years Don had become a replacement for Charlie's need for P vs NP when the world would become too much for Charlie to handle. When he was close to breaking he would call Don. And Don would always come running. Ian had always resented the things that would drive his boyfriend to that extreme. Now he had become one of them. 

He walked out, shutting the door slightly though leaving it open just enough to hear if Charlie needed him. He pulled his phone out, startled to find his hands shaking badly, tears falling freely from his eyes. Steading his breathing, he dialed Don. 

'Eppes" he always answered curtly. 

"Don" Ian tried to talk, but he found forming the words difficult. What did he say? Sorry to bother you I think I broke your brother?

'Ian? What's wrong?" Don sounded worried. Of course he could hear that something was wrong. 

He tried to calm down. "Charlie needs you." He didn't say anything else. He knew that was all it would take. 

'I'll be there soon' he hung up. Ian imagined him grabbing his things and hauling ass over here. He placed his phone on the table and sat down, putting his head in his hands, letting more tears fall. 

He was still like that when Don burst in. "Ian? Where's Charlie." 

He didn't look up. "Bedroom." 

Don looked at him for another moment then walked quickly to the room. He heard the door shut. 

*NUMB3RS* 

Ian never moved. Not one inch while Don was talking to Charlie. His thought turning everything over repeatedly and the fear that he had driven Charlie away from him. Fear that he would lose him. 

He wasn't sure how much time had past when he heard the bedroom door open. He looked up, hoping to see Charlie, instead seeing Don. And man he looked pissed. 

He walked over to where Ian sat and chose a seat opposite him. He took a deep breath, waiting for Don to explode on him. He deserved that and so much more. 

"You swore to me" he started, "when you joined my team, you swore to me that you would never hurt Charlie. That you would never make him think you regretted being with him." 

Ian raised his head and Don was startled to see his face. The face of an almost broken man. "Don" He choked, then cleared his throat, trying again. "I would put a bullet through my brain before I would ever consciously hurt Charlie. I didn't mean for how I've been feeling to go this far." He broke again. "I'm sorry." 

Don sat there, unsure what to do. No matter what he would stand by Charlie. But looking at Ian now, he knew he had to try to help him. For both their sakes. 

"You know, The fugitive recovery has asked me to loan you out multiple times." Ian slowly raised his head again, wondering where he was going with this. "You never gave me reason to think you needed to get back out there again so I didn't say anything. But if you were interested, I can tell them they could use you from time to time. Not for the long assignments. You don't need to be gone for weeks at a time anymore. But a few here and there." 

Ian was ready to jump at the opportunity but thought of Charlie. "I'd need to talk to Charlie first. I won't make any choices without him." 

Don nodded his head. "Good, because if you would have told me yes right off I would have punched you." He seemed to think for a minute. "Still might." 

Ian lowered his head again. "I'd deserve it. God Don, I never meant to hurt him. I love him! I love him so much!" Damn it he wished he could talk without the crack in his voice. 

Don placed his hand on Ian's shoulder. "I know you do. Just like I know he loves you, very much. That's why you need to fix this. And quick before he thinks it can't be." He squeezed his shoulder and stood. "I'll let myself out. Tell Charlie to call me and check in." 

Ian nodded and watched as Don walked out. He took a few minutes to compose himself before he stood and made his way to their bedroom. Opening the door his heart dropped to his feet and all the air left his lungs. There was Charlie, standing by their bed, packing a bag. 

"What are you doing?" Ian asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. 

Charlie sighed and looked up at Ian, fresh tears in his eyes. "I'm making it easier for you. I'm giving you some space. I won't be gone long, just a few days." 

Ian felt his knees buckle. He knew he wouldn't stay standing for long so he quickly made his way to the bed. He stared at the bag on the bed, the clothes in Charlie's hands, then up to Charlie's face. He didn't try to stop the tears as they fell. "Please no." He couldn't seem to raise his voice higher than a whisper. He did it. The best thing he had in his life was leaving because he was an asshole. 

Charlie lightly shook his head as he placed the clothes in the bag, zipping it shut. He tried not to pause has he saw Ian flinch at the noise. "You need some time Ian. I don't want to suffocate you anymore than I already have." 

Ian was shaking his head before Charlie was done speaking. "No Charlie. What I said was said out of anger. I didn't mean it. And I know that's what everyone says but I swear to you I didn't mean a word of it! I love you!" 

Charlie sat down on the bed, unsure what to do. "I love you too Ian. So much it hurts. That's why I'm trying to do what I think you want, what you need." 

Ian got off the bed and walked over to Charlie, getting to his knees in front of him. He took his hands in his, glad to feel that they were warm again. "It took a long time for me to see it, clearly anyway." He brought Charlie's hands to his lips, kissing his fingers, his wrist, his palm. "What I have always wanted and needed, since the day I met you on that hill, was you." He looked up to Charlie, glad to see no more tears on his face, and brought his hands to the sides of his head, leaning in and holding him close. "I love you Charlie Eppes. More than the air I breath I need you. I may suffocate from time to time in this life. But when I'm away from you, I'm drowning. And I cant pull in any fresh air until I'm with you again." He closed the distance between them and kissed him firmly on the lips, desperate for him to feel all that he feels for him. 

He kissed him until they had to pull apart for air. He stayed close to him, not wanting to be any farther apart then they had to be, his hands still holding Charlie in place. "Please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I hurt you." He placed another soft kiss to his lips. "I love you so much baby. Please don't leave me." Another kiss. "Please." 

He stayed like that for a few seconds before he felt Charlie nod his head. He looked Charlie in the eyes, needing him to say it. "Baby?" 

Charlie smiled softly, "I love you Ian. Even when your an asshole." 

Ian laughed then kissed him again, more firmly this time. A hint of desperation as Charlie fell back, taking Ian with him to lay on the bed. 

Ian pulled back. "I can't always promise I won't be an asshole." He said, looking apologetic. 

Charlie brought his hand to Ian's cheek. "I know. Just talk to me next time. Please." 

Ian nodded. He wasn't one who usually talked about what was bothering him. But for Charlie, he would. He would do anything for the man that held his heart. 

He took Charlie's lips again, unable to get enough of the man he thought he had lost. When he felt Charlie pulling at his shirt he raised his arms and helped him pull it over his head. Charlie's hands started grazing over Ian's skin, leaving a hot trail where they touch. 

Ian lifted Charlie slightly so he could remove his shirt, latching onto his nipple as soon as his skin was uncovered. "Ian." Charlie moaned, the sound going straight to Ian's cock. He continued sucking on his nipple, using his tongue to lap at the small hardened mound as his hands started working Charlie's belt. "Need you so bad baby. I'm so sorry." He kept whispering as he removed Charlie's pants and boxers all in one go kissing every inch of skin he could reach on his way down. placing kisses to his inner thighs he made his way up Charlie's leg, lightly licking Charlie's balls before he brought his tongue to lick a strip straight up Charlie's cock. 

Charlie shot off the bed. "God! Ian." He was panting. Ian continued to lick at the head of his cock, lapping the pre cum that had gathered there before swallowing him down whole, Holding Charlie down with a hand to his chest. "Oh" Charlie kept up a stream of moans and pleas, all making Ian's cock that much harder in his jeans. He sucked Charlie hard, loving the sounds he was making and how he lightly thrust into Ian's mouth. 

"Ian. Please." Charlie could barely form a sentence. Ian knew he was close so with one last hard suck he pulled off of Charlie. Climbing over his lovers body he kissed Charlie lovingly, slowly. "I want to make love to you baby. Can I?" He had never had to ask before. But with how badly he had hurt Charlie he felt he should. 

Charlie nodded. "I want to feel you Ian. Know your still hear with me. That you want to be here with me." Ian crashed their lips together. No matter how long it took, he would prove to Charlie that where he wanted to be was right there beside him. He felt Charlie work his belt open and shimmied out of his own pants and boxers as Charlie dragged them down. Reaching to his left he pulled the bottle of lube out of their nightstand. 

He slicked up a his fingers as he watched Charlie spread his legs for them. Damn his boyfriend was sexy! He leaned forward and brought his hand to Charlie's entrance. Kissing his stomach repeatedly he slid his finger past the ring of muscle, working it in and out slowly as he felt Charlie relax around him. "Good baby?" He needed to hear Charlie's voice. 

Charlie was writhing on their bed, loving the feel of Ian inside him. "So good. You feel so good." He ran his fingers through Ian's hair. "More. Please more." 

Ian slid in a second finger then started licking at Charlie's cock head as he slid in a third one. Charlie was beside himself. "Please Ian. I'm ready. I need you." 

He continued to moan and bed while Ian stretched him a little more. Finally he pulled his fingers out, smiling as Charlie groaned at their loss. Slicking up his cock good he lined himself up with Charlie's hole, slowly pushing in. "I love you baby." He panted. He wanted to be buried in that deep heat that was all Charlie but he was always careful not to cause Charlie any pain. 

"I love you too Ian." he moaned, loving the feel of him, wishing for more, all of him. "love you so much. Please don't leave me." 

When Ian was fully flush in Charlie he kissed him, tongue assaulting his mouth, relishing the taste that was all Charlie. "Mine." He growled. And didn't that sound just go straight to Charlie's cock. 

Ian pulled almost all the way out of Charlie before he slammed into him again. He was desperate to show Charlie he couldn't get enough of him. That he couldn't be without him. And he thought maybe Charlie was too. He kept up a steady pace, slamming in and out of Charlie. There would be time for slow and sweet later. The need to assure the other that they were there with them was too great. Charlie ran his hand all over Ian. Grabbing his ass and scratching his back all the while Ian kept filling him, placing kisses all down his neck and chest. 

Ian changed the angle and it brought his cock straight to his prostate. Charlie jerked. "God!" Ian pounded harder, careful to hit that sweet spot inside his lover on every thrust. Charlie was begging. "Please" and "God" and "Ian. Ian reached in between them and wrapped his hand around Charlie's cock. Stroking him in time with his thrust he knew he wouldn't last long. And he knew it wouldn't be long before he followed Charlie over the edge. "Come for me baby. Wanna feel you come wrapped around my cock." 

Charlie cried out Ian's name as he spilled over Ian's hand, moans escaping his lips. Ian worked him through his orgasm, only letting him go when he whimpered, indicating he was becoming too sensitive. Ian thrust into him hard once, twice, then came screaming Charlie's name, spilling deep inside his lover. Charlie ran his hands all over Ian's back, helping him down from his orgasmic high. 

He felt himself slide out of Charlie and turned to fall more firmly on the bed, pulling Charlie with him. He still couldn't stand to be too far away from him at the moment. He wrapped his arms around Charlie's shoulders hugging him close. "I love you so much baby. Please don't ever leave me. The sight of you packing that bag.." He couldn't finish. Charlie brought his hand to Ian's face. "I thought I was giving you what you wanted." 

Ian covered his hand with his own. "I may need my space from time to time. But one thing I will always need more is you." 

Charlie smiled. "So no regrets?"

Ian smiled back, turning his head he kissed Charlie's palm. "No regrets." 

Charlie laid his head on Ian's chest, listening to his heartbeat. "So your not going to ask me about Don's offer?"

Ian looked down at his boyfriend. He wasn't sure Don had talked about that with him. "I told him I wouldn't agree on anything until I talked to you." 

Charlie turned his head and smiled widely. "I already told him to put your name down." 

Ian startled. "Baby, are you sure? Because I don't need to. I really don't. Today proved to me what I need in my life. And it's right here in my arms." His hold tightened, proving his point. 

Charlie sat up more. "I'm sure. Like Don said you won't be gone for weeks at a time anymore. I think it will be good for you to get back out there every once in awhile." He laid his head back down on Ian's chest, felling him run his fingers through his hair. "Just as long as you always come back to me." He was slowly drifting off to sleep, the day catching up to him. 

The last thing he felt were warm lips to his temple and Ian's whispered "Always" against his ear before sleep claimed him.


End file.
